I think my vagina is haunted
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
