I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
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this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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