In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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