I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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