I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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