Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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