I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize