you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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