You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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