I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
