You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
