you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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