Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
