Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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