i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
