everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
