Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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