I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
