He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
