i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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