good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize