Are we in a gay sports bar?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
