I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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