maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
