after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
