You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
