Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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