I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
