Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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