i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
