Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
