brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
