I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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