matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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