Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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