just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's blow job season.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
