everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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