How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
