dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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