What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
