My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
