i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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