I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
