i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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