As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
