It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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