the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
