'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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