We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
