I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is the high leading the old right now
We left the knife in your bed.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
