she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
