we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize