There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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