I feel great
I just peed on a car
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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