New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I understand Curling. That high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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