Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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