So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
