I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
