all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
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Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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