I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
