oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
