yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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