I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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