It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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