Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I look better un-naked...
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
