I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
