Buhtt sex?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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